Category Archives: Play

Ludo, ludare, ludology.

The Blackpools – Photo Kiosk

Sliiiiide that slider on over here…

Boy is your face red! You were caught on hidden camera, right at the exciting part of your visit to The Blackpools attraction at Time Atlas Park! Hmmm… now this is peculiar, because… you certainly know the people in the picture… but… you never went to The Blackpools with them… did you?

Why, not at all!

If you’d like your very own tangible photograph of a visit to the Blackpools you never had, all you have to do is provide us with a picture of yourself with people you’re related to (or acquainted with). Your picture will be replaced with a picture of you and the same people, at The Blackpools. As an added bonus, your memory of having that first picture taken with your party will be replaced with a new and unsettling memory of visiting The Blackpools with them.

And you’ll have the actual photograph to prove it’s all real! Shortly after you accept possession of the replacement photograph, a memory will take root in your thoughts, of a strikingly telepathic, somehow revelatory, but now only half-remembered trip into the secret cavernous swimming holes where you swam playfully in the healing waters of the primordial dark. You will not remember exactly what was said, but you will remember that all of you made sense to one another.


You will never doubt that this took place.

And it will make all the difference.

Get your Family Portrait at the Blackpools Today!

The Scythe Gallery

Old Man Scythe was either a real person who built this cube-shaped gallery for visitors’ art, or he’s one of the made-up mascots we forgot about (there’s probably a fiberglass statue of him carelessly tucked away somewhere… it’s proibably going to fall and hurt someone), point is, “Old Man Scythe” is from another time, we wouldn’t call it The Scythe Gallery today.

Well, I mean we are calling it that today, but that’s because this is the re-opening of the Scythe Gallery. If it were a new idea, we’d call it the Cube Gallery of Guest Art. But as I said before, we don’t have the best records of anything in Time Atlas Park, I mean, look over there, at that big patch of… whatever that is… what the hell did THAT used to be? And how ’bout over there? And over there? Anything could have been there… some of you must remember. Whatever you remember, we’ll take your word for it, and pin your best rendition of it here.

In other words, in order to help improve our archive, “We need your help!” Real memories, doubtful ones, lies about the past, dissociations, dreams, or your kid’s denial about how you were drunk when you brought them here, whatever the memory, good, bad, or neutral, we need a picture of something you remember from the time you spent at Time Atlas Park! This is a CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS! WE NEED drawings of any memory you have of Time Atlas, just send us your childish doodles or your masterpiece (and preferably some explanation of what it’s a memory of) and soon we’ll all feel like ourselves again. Or, you know, something better…

Snoresnuggle Downs

I see you’ve seen the little path, here by the Slothwood sign. Perhaps you’ve come to quit the merry bustle of the park and wander through this grove of mauvewood trees? It’s bigger than it looks… and did you see the skeletons, who sit against the trunks, their hunting outfits draped over their bones, their fallen rifles overgrown with moss? Those corpses came here to poach the sloths, and squash them into jam! But as these bad guests approached the forest’s heart, they felt sleepier and sleepier, and… that’s how the trees defend their residents.

If you have malice in your heart, or if you are cruel, or if you are a peddler of exotic sloth-flavored jam, turn back! Or the trees will charm you to sleep and you’ll starve to death, unable to wake up!

Contrariwise, if you are good-hearted, welcome, and keep walking till you reach the branches of the Great Mauvewood Tree at Snoresnuggle Downs, where you may take the nap that killeth not. In fact, if you’re lucky, you might hear one of those subtle conoisserus of sleep, the somnolent and soul-soothing sloths, murmuring rare comforts to the wind…

The Three Sisters: Escape Experience!

Time Atlas Park proudly unveils its immersive multi-player “escape game”, themed after Anton Chekhov’s The Three Sisters, the five-hour Russian masterpiece about not going to Moscow. (We at Time Atlas do not feel we understand it.)

In this adaptation, you and your team try to wriggle out from under the existential weight of your lives. But in a thrilling twist, you realize you must escape…  your own belief in the possibility of escape! MIND BLOWN YET??

Your mission: You all want to go to Moscow… really, that’s all you’ve ever wanted. So, as long as none of you board the train for Moscow, which leaves in an hour, you all win. Make sense so far? That’s great, but not so fast!  Every team member must express a desire to go to Moscow, and then each must begin to sabotage the others, openly, and with everyone’s complicity.

If even one member of your team makes it to Moscow, every one of you has a brain hemorrhage and becomes a drooling vegetable (because your whole paradigm is based on not being able to go)

If nobody goes to Moscow, everybody wins!

Using guilt, insincere seduction, and embarrassing public displays of hope,  try to make everyone wish they were someplace else… then convince them they can’t leave. Do you have what it takes to solve moral and emotional conundrums , pack, AND unpack at the same time?  Only one way to find out! Help your parents sabotage you at crucial moments in the game… and awkwardly avoid mentioning the parallels with real life.

Your teammates are there for you… in their typical, limited way. Chuckle dryly  with your friends as you struggle to outmaneuver your profound character flaws… the ones you’ve always known about but never faced. It’s all about teamwork.


Like Olga says, “It seems, in just a little time, we will know why we live, and why there is all this suffering… ” — She’s an idiot! Don’t miss the vacuity on her face when she realizes she’ll never understand why any of this is happening to her.

NOTE: The room is entirely white and featureless. When guests complain of boredom, staff are trained to yell “That is bourgeoisie poison! I will not listen to it!” and slam the door in their faces. If this happens to you, bear in mind… they DO have a point.

Music by Kai Engel, licensed under Creative Commons (Attribution)
(Originally crated October 11 2017)

Tower of Color

Music and Lyrics by Willy Ram (Captions, too!)

Ewe and Eye was the short-lived follow up show, but it left visitors unsatisfied. The recent restoration of the original Tower of Color attraction really is the very best news.

The Tower of Color was a journey through the visible spectrum, hosted by Dame Ewe and Willy Ram, who were still married when it opened and for several years thereafter (though health troubles forced Ram to retire from performing in the attraction.)

The Tower can hold thirty people, though attendance was poor due to the off-script and awkward public disagreements between the hosts. It took place in a circular white room. Colored light progressed from red through violet and into darkness, over the course of seven minutes, while Dame Ewe narrated a history of the colors in art and science. On the whole, the Tower was likely an effort compete with full-circle film theaters that were appearing in other parks, though the video for the tower was only one rectangle projected against one part of the wall, and the circularity of the space was never really used. Before there was a video, it was a slide-show (the originals are now lost.)

The Tower closed when Ram and Ewe divorced. Dame Ewe stayed on at Time Atlas, but her improvised follow-up show about art history, Ewe and Eye, left visitors unsatisfied. Willy Ram continued to teach literature at the college level until his employment was terminated, and briefly became an avant-garde performance artist. Bootlegs of the one-ram show he did, largely to discredit his wife, are supposedly available from myriad pirates, but as he openly regrets doing the show, buying or exhibiting these bootlegs is considered in poor taste. If you find any, let us know! We’ve got all kinds of land we haven’t used yet.

The recent restoration of the original Tower of Color attraction had already been in the works before Ram and Ewe remarried, but to hear and see them together again in the old show is a delight to Time Atlas veterans, and the frank and candid nature of the material thrills younger audiences as well.

Lighting cues, to be used with the video, so you can re-create this experience anywhere!

Dragon Empress

This popular sound and smoke experience celebrates a beloved historical figure (we don’t know who, any information would be appreciated, but we think it’s supposed to be the Dowager Empress, Cixi.) The show runs every other hour and provides the family with a fun way to learn essential words and phrases in Chinese.

Photograph sourced from the public domain
Music and Script by MWM
Voice and Translation into Chinese – Zhilin He

The Gentleman’s Tree

The attraction inside of the tree is open again — it never had a name, but guests loved to challenge themselves to a staring contest with the gentleman who can be viewed, in his home, by leaning against the Gentleman’s Tree and looking through the aperture in its trunk. The attraction was originally taken down for superstitious reasons; the lines were very long, guests would spend their entire day waiting in it again and again, and none of them could explain why, so it was thought that they would enjoy their park visits more if the Gentleman’s Tree were closed. Silly, of course. So now it’s open again. How long will you last in a staring contest? Share your best time in the comments!


What was your name again?

Come and board a train to see the statue of Ozymandias, buried deep in the crimson sands of our Red Desert area! (This is sometimes known as our ‘Primeval World’ attraction)


Time Atlas Park’s version was inspired by an anonymous online video that does a better job of curating this portrait:

After you’ve ridden it, you struggle to remember the name of the entity commemorated by the statue… oh well. Not to worry. It’s not like dropping that person’s last name would get you an in with any other A-listers or anything…

You happen to see a somewhat hidden little red-rock cave, where there’s a woman surrounded with insects greeting guests. Is she important, you wonder? Is she famous?


Xenagogue, n, One who conducts strangers; a guide.

Take a tour of the Nebula, and bring back crucial information about the culture and inclination of the leaders of the outer worlds